a humorous transcript (録)

This post relates to my last in some ways; today's revision session with friends descended into petty text-banter (for some reason, face to face communication wouldn't suffice), a transcript of which follows:

Simon: 'Bellend'
Chris: 'Fagtube'
Simon: 'What a fag, man'
Chris: 'A fag man?'
Simon: 'Swellend'
Chris: 'Bellbag'
Simon: 'Shit-stomper'
Chris: 'Cock-caresser' (cheers Dave!)
Simon: 'Cancer patient'
Chris: 'Turd burglar'
Simon: 'Randy rimmer'
Chris: 'Dandy dimmer'
Simon: 'Japseye'
Chris: 'Urethra'
Simon: 'Orathuro'
Chris: 'Dipshit'
Simon: 'Shitdip'
Simon (to Char): 'C**t'
Chris: 'Armpit'
Simon: 'Legpit'
Char: 'Bumpit'
Chris: 'Fuckwit'
Simon: 'Fickwot'
Chris: 'Dickpot'

And there it ended; it seemed funnier at the time than it did copying it up here, but that's probably because it provided a means of revision procrastination for half hour or so.

the ultimate distraction (気の散る)

No matter how motivated I am to work / do something useful, the motivation always dissipates at the precise moment I turn the internet on. Some unimportant website (blog, Facebook, last.fm etc) can distract my attention for hours at a time, while the time I set aside for important things slowly passes by.

It's frustrating because nothing gets achieved during the time spent browsing, and it's ironic because even as I write this I'm supposed to be either tidying up, washing up, proof reading an essay, revising for an exam, or having lunch...

But alas.

I'm struggling... (闘)

with an Advanced Japanese essay, to be precise. The only two things keeping me going are intellectual conversation with a friend over MSN, and the fact that one of the headwords in my Japanese dictionary is 'fart'.

Endless entertainment!

fire in the woods (火事)

The combination of clement weather and the need for a means of procrastination led to a rise in (mainly drink-fuelled) outdoor activity this weekend. A friend, for example, drank a whole litre of Gin and attended two barbecues to which he was not invited before collapsing drunk in bed at 4pm.

Inspired by other goings on and as a variation to the usual Sunday evening routine, me and a few friends ventured into the woods with a crate of beer, a selection of meat, and a box of matches. The plan was to make a fire, eat the meat, and drink the beer.

As you can see, the fire burned a treat. Everything from sticks, mulch, leaves, empties and wrappers was used to get it going, and it lasted a good 3 hours before our 'combined efforts' doused it. The meat was cooked on makeshift grills made by flattening empty cans or on sticks held haphazardly over the flames (the first option was definitely the safest, despite the extended cooking time). By 3am all the meat and beer had gone, most people were drunk, a couple were high, and we headed home.

Glastobury line-up announced! (並)

Bean (豆)

A hot Bean just ate some hot beans and her tongue is burning.

"appreciate the macabre" (不気味)

Whilst reading through some 'blogs of note', I stumbled upon this painting:

For those of you who don't know it's depicting some iconic Scooby Doo villains, and I'm posting the picture (linked to it's source at Alex Pardee's blog (eyesuckink)) on my blog only because of it's awesomeness. I don't mind telling you that Scooby Doo was one of my favourite cartoons as a kid, and seeing the villains rendered so beautifully brings a smile to my face.

I wish I had artistic talent...

a weird dream (夢)

I have a rotten hangover; Smirnoff and Jack Daniels does not make for a good combination, a fact I failed to consider last night. During the comatose sleep the aforementioned drinks induced, I had a bizarre dream:

There was some form of black tie event at a hall backing onto a taxi rank-esque building. As the evening progressed a commotion began to develop, in which some wannabe Mafiosos became flustered. The boss figure ran down from the taxi rank office followed by a shorter, stockier figure, who had managed to open a safe containing an umbrella, a bowler hat, and a note of high denomination. At the bottom of the stairs the boss continued running while the stockier fellow slipped out of the front door; he stood briefly under a red awning, donning the umbrella and hat, and strolled away from the taxi rank. The boss figure emerged from the taxi rank shortly after looking irritated and scanned the street, presumably for the other man, who by now had reached his destination; a cashpoint machine amidst a busy market. The stolen note was paid into the machine, and the dream ended.

I'm not really sure how to interpret the dream, I think the stocky Mafioso had done one over on the other guy because he seemed smugly satisfied after assuming his disguise and walking off, but even so no meaning is immediately obvious. Thoughts?

nothing... (無)

that's what I fully understood of the Advanced Japanese exam I recently sat...

私はすべてを忘れていた...

intentional satire? (皮肉)

A few 'gems', hand-picked from the torrent of spam emails I received during my brief foray into the world of work:

"Children Of Rich People Are Stupid B*stards

Its official: the children of wealthy folk are incredibly stupid and ignorant. So say statisticians at Cambridge University, England who have concluded a five-year study into the intelligence of the spawn of rich bastards"

"Aliens Are Gay Says Astronaut

Former Astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell - a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission - claims aliens are gay and that they are responsible for many of earth's ills including global warming, war, disease and The View."

"Britney Spears Plans To Auction Off Her Children On EBay"

"Britney Spears In Training To Become A Lesbian"

"David Copperfield Makes the Moon Disappear, NSA Places Him in Custody"

Random strings of words or satirical genius? You decide.

first post, despite evidence to the contrary (反)

This is an attempt to amalgamate all of my previous blogging attempts; none of which have endured more than 6 months due to my weird obsession with limiting each blog to one topic.

The plan is to post anything here that interests me, so keep checking back and maybe you'll find something that interests you.